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 I examined this new face with some
care. The fear in it spoke to me of a lifetime spent desperately avoiding
the stigma of stupidity, of failure, of not measuring up. I knew plenty
of premeds at Harvard, and as a group, I think that they were even more
obsessed than the rest of us with climbing to the very top of the prestige
heap.
They were famous for things like razoring
out the pages in the reserved readings for their courses, so that none
of their classmates could study the material. It was said that it took
two Harvard premeds to change a lightbulb, one to change the bulb and
the other to push the ladder out from under him ...
I was convinced, looking at his fear-face,
that Grendel's entire philosophy of life centered on obliterating the
stupid little boy inside him. It was that person he feared, desperately
feared, and that was why he was beginning so earnestly for a chance
to obliterate the stupid little boy inside me ...
"Thank you" I said.
'"You can go now.'"
- from Expecting
Adam, by Martha Beck
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